Saturday, November 5, 2011

Miss Visitation!

Yesterday marked one week that my boyfriend spent in the county jail.  It was also the visitation day for his block.  As you can guess I was very excited to be able to see him.  I had so many mixed emotions and feelings that I still haven't had time to process. Visitation wasn't until the evening so I had all day to be nervous.  He has seen me at my worst and at my best but for some reason I was very worried about my appearance.  I hadn't felt that way around him in ages.  I teased my hair into a cute pony tail and wore some yoga pants and a fitted jacket, it was just a casual outfit. I looked good but I didnt look like I was ready to go on  a date.  I didn't know that the girls really put on a show to go to these visitations.  These girls were in leopard heels, and there nicest skinny jeans and had on there Saturday night, club makeup!  Well I guess I'll know for next time!! When I saw him my first instinct was to cry, I hadn't seen him in a week, It was the longest I had gone.  I started to tear up and I swear he got red too, and if you new my BF you wouldn't believe me.  He said don't cry babe and so I sat up straight and just looked at him for a minute.  This was my first experience visiting anyone in the jail system however I had seen it on TV before.  We were separated by a thick pane of glass and we each had a phone that we spoke through.  It was so frustrating to be so close to the man that I love and not be able to reach out and hug him and kiss him.  To tell him that I love him and that I'm proud of him no matter what he does or what happens.  Instead we sat in a cold room, on a cold stool having a what the jail calls a visit, which again is monitored.  After a week of crying and missing my lost lover this lonely lady will take what she can get!!!! Most of the visit went like most of our phone calls I told him I love him a million times, that I miss him a million times, he asked me if I'm going to stand by him and a million times I said YES!! There isn't anything or anyone in this world that could separate me from the love of my life, I know this and I believe he does too, he just needs to be reminded.  I know I'm a bit bias but my BF is the most beautiful man ever!! I was so surprised at how good he looked having been in jail for a week.  If I was in jail for a week with no makeup or hair products, I wouldn't be as blessed.  The visit sped by so fast I couldn't believe it!!!  I was just so frustrated I couldn't touch him. I dont know if visiting him made things worse.  Because now I am missing him more!! I also wish I had gotten ready to see him! Now I'm the girl that didn't get ready to go see her boyfriend when usually I'm the girl that is over dressed!! Its just hard to get all dolled up when you feel like breaking down and dying on the inside.  I hope I didn't embarrass him.  I cant believe that on top of all the ridiculous things that we (prison girlfriends/wives) have to deal with now we have to deal with the visitation beauty pageants!!! Ugh I have a long road ahead of me!!!

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